We are here again too early! [MACE]
[W] ALCHOLISM AND MENTIONS OF CHRONIC PAIN AND CARING FOR FAMILY MEMBERS
well, its now 4:49 as of writing this, i drank quite a bit, since i was task with trying to get my father to sleep, who had not slept for around two days?? And that was harddd. Sleeping meds dont really work on him so when he took em he just got woozy as hell, made fun conversation but as someone who was pretty tired having to get him to lay down and sleep was hard. Its not his fault, his pain makes it really hard, i dont blame him at all. Hes a great dad, or hes nice to be around, when hes not screaming in pain. so i got a bit drunk to get on his level (and cause ive been having a slight mental crisis all day) and i like to imagine that helped. He said something to me actually 'i am not dying, your dad is not dying, he is fine. Im just suffering. you have no idea how much im suffereing'
that hurt to hear!! glad hes not dying though! and!!! hes asleep, i layed with him on the sofa for a while until i knew he was asleep, then i walk upstaries. I love my dad, hes not okay though. I will hopefully sleep soon, i am tired as hell sorry if the last one was a bit much, today has been a bit hard. Its been a bad day mentally and hopefully tommorrow will be good.
i do promise im not usually all doom and gloom, or well i am, alot of the time im annoyed or feel guilty. this part of me anyway (i dont have a disorder, the people in my life who know me are wrong) jay and SEL are nice. But i guess this is the place for thoughts we dont want anyone we know to know, so alot of em will be sad.
hopefully happy posts soon! good night or good morning.