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hello, again

[W] TALKS OF TRUAMA AND FLASHBACKS

I will not lie, i havent been doing very well at all as of late. I mean to any one reading these i probably seem to be doing bad all the time. But i started this blog at the beginning of a particularly bad episode, and i am really hoping it lets up soon. I think im doing better now since all the posts on this horrendous blog seem very far removed from me. i dont even really remember writing half of them if im honest. But the flashbacks really do not seem to be going any where any time soon. I dont actually know if they are actually flashbacks, i just get reminded of things and either get constantly blasted with memories and my mind gets stuck thinking its still there, or i see but all dont actually see, the stuff i saw before. Listening to music far removed from the memories tends to help, like this one band i listened to in a period of my life where for three months i actually felt 'free', what ever that means i dont even know. I think im currently having a minor 'emotionaly flashback' cause i keep thinking once i leave my boyfriends ill be going home to my mums and these feelings are from at least two years ago. Its cool, once it gets too much ill listen to the mechanisms and i should be fine.

this is probably the most clear headed ive been on this site. Im glad honestly, im more then the awful states we get into. the feeling that i am not one person probably indicates a problem however.

Nevermind this is getting bad, i actually cant comprehend any recent memories have happened and i may need to listen to music sooner than i thought.

I wanted to talk more but i probably need to get normal again!

EDIT : i wanted to do this when i wrote this but got mentally ill. but any way here is the song i found a bit ago which is where the name of the post came from. when i get it working